Topic

How to Talk About Sex With Your Spouse

“How to actually have the conversation”

Most of us were never taught how to talk about sex. We learned not to. So we bring that silence into marriage and then wonder why our spouse can’t read our mind.

Talking about sex is a skill, and like any skill it can be learned. On the show we share simple scripts, the right timing (hint: not in bed), and how to ask for what you want without making your spouse feel criticized.

What we believe

  • Emotional safety comes first. You can’t have a good sexual conversation inside a relationship where one of you is afraid to be honest.
  • Curiosity beats criticism. “Help me understand what that was like for you” opens doors that “you never…” slams shut.
  • Two disco balls. Each of you is a complicated mix of history, expectations, and quirks. The goal is to understand each other’s facets, not to sand them down.
  • Little conversations, often. One big talk rarely fixes things. A hundred small, kind ones do.
Listen

Episodes on talking about sex

Questions people ask

Straight answers

How do I tell my husband what I want in bed?

Start outside the bedroom, lead with what you already enjoy, and make one specific, positive request. “I love when you… could we do more of that?” lands very differently than a list of complaints.

My wife shuts down whenever I bring up sex. What do I do?

Shutting down usually means the conversation feels unsafe or like pressure. Try leading with reassurance that you want to understand her, not change her, and ask about feelings before you ask about frequency.

Is it okay to say no to my spouse?

Yes. A gentle, honest no, ideally paired with an alternative or a “when,” keeps the gift freely given. A relationship where no isn’t allowed isn’t a safe one.

Should we talk about this with our bishop?

Bishops are wonderful for spiritual guidance, but they aren’t trained sex therapists. For most sexual questions in marriage, a certified sex therapist is the right resource.

These answers are educational, not a diagnosis. If this topic is causing ongoing pain in your marriage, please reach out to a licensed therapist.

A note on what this is. Latter-Day Sex is an educational podcast. It is not therapy and is not a substitute for working with a licensed professional. If something here stirs up more than you expected, that’s a good sign it’s worth talking through with someone qualified.

This podcast is produced independently and is not an official publication of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The views expressed are those of the hosts.

If you are in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the US) or your local emergency number.