“One of you wants sex more than the other”
“My husband wants sex all the time, and I just don’t have any desire.” Or the reverse. If that sentence sounds like your marriage, you are not broken, and you are not alone. Desire discrepancy is the single most common reason couples come to sex therapy, and it shows up in faithful Latter-day Saint marriages just as often as anywhere else.
The hard part isn’t the difference itself. It’s what each of you makes it mean. The higher-desire spouse often hears “no” as rejection of them as a person. The lower-desire spouse often feels pressured, guilty, or like a duty-bound performer rather than a participant. Over time, that pattern can quietly drain affection out of the whole relationship.
Episode 01
In the first episode of Latter-Day Sex, certified sex therapists Dr. Susannah Pipkin and Dr. Annie Bryner tackle the stigma around marital intimacy, explain desire differences, and replace “sexual entitlement” with stewardship.
There is almost never a single reason. Common contributors include exhaustion, mental load, unresolved resentment, body-image struggles, pain during sex, past sexual trauma, and a lifetime of being taught that desire itself is dangerous. Episode 1 digs into several of these, especially the shame piece.
No. Wanting sex less than your spouse is not a sin. Neither is saying no. What matters is that both of you keep turning toward each other with honesty and kindness while you work on it.
A wide range is normal. The question isn’t whether his desire is “too much,” but whether the two of you can talk about it without pressure or shame and find a rhythm that feels like a shared gift rather than a demand.
“Duty sex” tends to erode desire over time, not build it. We’d rather help you find your own desire and your own yes. That takes a different conversation, and it’s one we have a lot on the show.
These answers are educational, not a diagnosis. If this topic is causing ongoing pain in your marriage, please reach out to a licensed therapist.
“Feeling guilty about sex, even in marriage”
Years of “don’t” don’t switch off on your wedding night. We talk about untangling shame from doctrine so you can enjoy what God intended.
Explore this topic →
“How to actually have the conversation”
Most couples have never been taught how to talk about sex. Practical, kind scripts for starting the conversation without blame.
Explore this topic →
“When pornography is part of the story”
Compassionate, doctrine-aligned conversations about pornography, recovery, trust, and rebuilding intimacy together.
Explore this topic →
“Preparing for intimacy before marriage”
Chastity, boundaries, and preparing for a healthy sexual relationship without fear. For dating and engaged Latter-day Saints.
Explore this topic →
“Starting your sexual relationship well”
The wedding night, the first year, and the surprising adjustments nobody warned you about. Grace, patience, and practical help.
Explore this topic →
Join the newsletter and we’ll send you our free PDF guide, plus one short email a week with new episodes and practical tips from Susannah and Annie. No spam, unsubscribe anytime.
The Faithful Couple’s Starter Guide to Better Sex
A free PDF from Latter-Day Sex (coming soon)
A note on what this is. Latter-Day Sex is an educational podcast. It is not therapy and is not a substitute for working with a licensed professional. If something here stirs up more than you expected, that’s a good sign it’s worth talking through with someone qualified.
This podcast is produced independently and is not an official publication of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The views expressed are those of the hosts.
If you are in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the US) or your local emergency number.
